Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I. Hate. Squirrels.

The sun was shining, my ipod was blaring the high school musical soundtrack, and I was happily pedaling my bike home from campus. I am a horrible biker for several reasons, namely because I don't wear a helmet and blindly cross intersections, but also because I pay very little attention to my surroundings. So picture me if you will, riding my bike, yoga mat on one shoulder, tote purse on the other, biking along while my bike makes the most adorable clicking noise because it can't seem to stay in gear. Suddenly, I hit the brakes, throw out my kick-stand, and quickly dig in my bag for my cell phone, before running across some stranger's yard snapping photos like a crazy person...or Asian person for that matter (if you have no idea what I am talking about...go to Disney world and you'll figure it out).

I am assuming that any reader would have some questions right now, such as, "was your bike stolen?" Surprisingly, the answer to this is no...but it was a necessary risk that I was willing to take in order to capture the elusive ALBINO squirrel on my camera phone.

"Were its eyes pink?"

You betcha!

On that particular day I was enamored with these pesky little critters, however, today I was once again returned to my senses. I have had several rather strange encounters with squirrels over the years; one particularly vivid encounter involving the little bugger drinking Jamba Juice out of a straw. None of my previous encounters, however, have left me clutching my recycling while screaming. I also had a garbage bag, but I threw it at the little f-er when he charged me.

I missed. :(

The story goes that I was doing a little cleaning and walked outside to throw out the garbage. As I approached the dumpster lid, a frantic skirmish was heard from within. I, however, proceeded to lift the lid where a soggy, manic looking squirrel charged me (or so it seemed). I had the typical fight or flight reaction, which in my case produced a scream, a delayed garbage bag bomb, and some frantic post-drama cursing.

Thankfully, I survived the horrible ordeal. It was a close call, but I am a will take more than a crazed, dumpster squirrel to take me down! I lead a very dangerous lifestyle to say the least, and I am looking forward to a weeks worth of squirrel-nightmares! If that story alone isn't enough to freak you out, then I think this ought to be enough to sufficiently terrify anyone!

Cheers, Maria

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