Thursday, August 20, 2009

Upon further examination...

For no apparent reason what-so-ever I was examining this photo today. Lets start with the flavor representation: watermelon, orange, blueberry, lime, raspberry, black-licorice, lemon, teddy-bear, red apple, green apple, grape, and blueberry.

Wait? I have two colors denoted to the scent blueberry, and one extraneous flavor ominously represented by a stuffed animal.

Is anyone else confused??

Furthmore, I am scared for lemon's life because the teddy bear flavor is eyeing it hungrily. I think red apple may be autistic, while his/her neighbor, raspberry, appears to be identifying cloud formations. I think that the front-most blueberry of the trio recently smoked something (or maybe has just been sniffing his friends), while the solo blueberry (plum??) on the left is giving me? the markers? his fruity friends? the thumbs up.

What was the designer of this box on when he created this scent representation??

Oh yeah...Mr. Sketch SCENTED water color markers...

Apparently, in order to understand the joke that has put a smile/smirk/evil grin on all of these fruity faces, one must first buy a box of these markers, shut all doors and windows, and un-cap all 12 "non-toxic" scents.

Well played Mr. Sketch...well played...

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I. Hate. Squirrels.

The sun was shining, my ipod was blaring the high school musical soundtrack, and I was happily pedaling my bike home from campus. I am a horrible biker for several reasons, namely because I don't wear a helmet and blindly cross intersections, but also because I pay very little attention to my surroundings. So picture me if you will, riding my bike, yoga mat on one shoulder, tote purse on the other, biking along while my bike makes the most adorable clicking noise because it can't seem to stay in gear. Suddenly, I hit the brakes, throw out my kick-stand, and quickly dig in my bag for my cell phone, before running across some stranger's yard snapping photos like a crazy person...or Asian person for that matter (if you have no idea what I am talking about...go to Disney world and you'll figure it out).

I am assuming that any reader would have some questions right now, such as, "was your bike stolen?" Surprisingly, the answer to this is no...but it was a necessary risk that I was willing to take in order to capture the elusive ALBINO squirrel on my camera phone.

"Were its eyes pink?"

You betcha!

On that particular day I was enamored with these pesky little critters, however, today I was once again returned to my senses. I have had several rather strange encounters with squirrels over the years; one particularly vivid encounter involving the little bugger drinking Jamba Juice out of a straw. None of my previous encounters, however, have left me clutching my recycling while screaming. I also had a garbage bag, but I threw it at the little f-er when he charged me.

I missed. :(

The story goes that I was doing a little cleaning and walked outside to throw out the garbage. As I approached the dumpster lid, a frantic skirmish was heard from within. I, however, proceeded to lift the lid where a soggy, manic looking squirrel charged me (or so it seemed). I had the typical fight or flight reaction, which in my case produced a scream, a delayed garbage bag bomb, and some frantic post-drama cursing.

Thankfully, I survived the horrible ordeal. It was a close call, but I am a will take more than a crazed, dumpster squirrel to take me down! I lead a very dangerous lifestyle to say the least, and I am looking forward to a weeks worth of squirrel-nightmares! If that story alone isn't enough to freak you out, then I think this ought to be enough to sufficiently terrify anyone!

Cheers, Maria

Friday, July 24, 2009

F you Target

I strode into Target yesterday morning with a purpose! I love Target with all my heart and soul...unfortunately I love target a little too much...It is just that the store is so strategically set-up...and I am so easily distracted by things that are colorful and/or shiny. This, in combination with the fact that the thing I am searching for is usually at the farthest end of the store, combine for horrendous results.

My shopping trips usually go as follows...I walk in (wave to myself on TV) and grab a basket. My shopping for the day: Shampoo, bobby pins (even though I could technically shop for these on my apartment floor and find hundreds for free) and an array of household necessities (toilet paper, Kleenex etc). Somehow, I always magically end up in the swimsuit section...they are so bright, and you can never have enough swimsuits...what with summer recreation and all! I manage to tear myself away from the swimsuits, only to find myself trying on sunglasses seconds later. So far I have probably been in the store for 30 minutes and have only made it about twenty feet...clearly I am already screwed. My mind finally kicks in at this point and reminds me of my purpose...although since I am a notorious no-list kinda girl...I am walking around counting on my fingers, trying to remember what exactly that sixth thing I needed was.

Thirty minutes later I have still not remembered that sixth thing, however, upon examination of my basket I discover that I have 10 items picked screw the sixth thing...clearly I win. What did I forget? Mounting tape to hang up a mirror for our living room...what did I get instead???

SHAZAM! I am so excited to try it out! Unfortunately, I just recently shaved my legs so I am going to have to wait a few days. The suspense is killing me! I mean "No Pain, No Chemicals, No Razor Burn," magical!

I will happily report my findings in a day or two once I've smoothed my way to smoother skin...

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

On the hunt

After redecorating the apartment tonight, followed by reminiscing with my roomie, I fell back into my regular night time routine. This routine usually consists of:

(1) Elevating my knee above my heart and sitting with an ice-pack, AKA Ziploc freezer bag filled with ice-cubes, to tame any swelling that I may have accumulating after walking around all day.

(2) Quick search through my bedding and pillows for my blanky*

(3) Check facebook

(4) Google cute babies for 20 minutes or so.

I am a 21 year old girl with the knees of an 80 year old, and the innocence of a four year old :)

This is where the routine changes a bit from night to night. Tonight, I looked for potential jobs that I might find interesting upon my graduation in 10 months or so. I have no definite career path in mind, so I am open to anything and willing to take suggestions!

Possible careers:

Child-namer: Have you ever met a Lucy and thought, "Lucy? You're a Bertha* if I've ever seen one!" Well, I think that all the time! I could be awesome at this! People would have little Mr(s). Magoo looking children and I would be responsible for naming them based on what they
really look like.

*No one actually ever names their child Bertha, something about it seeming cruel, but in my opinion a Bertha is a Bertha and one cannot cover up their Bertha-ness with so-called daintier names

Scented-marker tester: I LOVE scented markers! They not only add a little something extra to every kindergarten student's family drawing (not to mention their faces...beware the dangers of sniffing to close) but are also fabulous group fun. Seriously, you sniff and pass it on to your good friend, "Woah, smell this one..." Someone has to uphold the high quality and infinite wonder that is the scented marker. I could be that girl! I could halt marker production with a single sniff, "You call this watermelon??" Obvious risks are involved, but I am thinking that a life time supply of scented markers easily outweighs any potential nasal damage.

Verizon Wireless "Network": These people get to travel all over the world to the most interesting places! Not to mention BONUS, people have to listen to you...because they must be able to, "hear you now." It would be like working as a professional snotty child annoying a busy parent..."Can you hear me now, how bout now, can you still hear me? Yoohooo..." If there is one person who has a resume meeting these qualifications it would be me! I have no doubt that my references would give me rave reviews and I would be hired immediately.

That is all I have for now. As solid as this list is, I still am in need of a few back-ups...just in case Mr. Sketch is on a hiring hold or something...


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Adventures in the GMC Sonoma. Part 1

Things I ran over today:

1. (one) Paper bag of unknown contents...It definitely went thunk under the tire...I am hoping it wasn't a puppy

2. (one) University student. Well, not really, but it was a close call.

3. (one) Chubby squirrel. Also went thunk upon impact. Elicited a double fist pump from me. One down....nine-hundred million to go.

All-in-all it was a very productive day...

Sunday, July 19, 2009


I have a confession. I am a library rookie. You would think that after 3 years of college, not to mention grades k-12, I would have them figured out by now. Well, I don't, so please don't judge. My only library, quest for a book, experience that I seem to be able to remember is from elementary school...back in the days of the card was terrifying.

Anyways, being that it was a beautiful day today, I decided to go for a lovely walk to the nearest public library in search of some new reading material, not to mention the fact that the library in question has a rather impressive DVD collection that includes movies in both Spanish AND Portuguese. Now, I am not talking about American-made movies dubbed with Spanish voices (even though these are actually very entertaining, if you've never watched one, I suggest starting with Mighty Ducks) but actual Span-Port films and documentaries. Needless to say, I was very excited about this library trip and the intellectual opportunities it presented!

This is where the disappointment comes in. I skipped (not even joking) up to the customer service desk and happily chimed, "I would like a library card please!" This was followed by a 15 second stare-down by the librarian, as if she was analyzing my ability to handle such a prized possession as a
library card. After coming to the conclusion that I could in fact read, she asked me if I brought an ID with me to the library today.

You bet your ass I did!

She looked at me, looked at my drivers license and then shook her head.


"Is this your current address," she asked.

Psshh...No. I am a student, I have lived in three different places in the past three years...back off lady.

Needless to say I was DECLINED by the library today. Seriously...the library! I could understand if MasterCard declined giving me a platinum card, or if the bank declined giving me a credit sucks...decline away. But the library??

So here I sit. Insulted, bookless, movieless...alone. Come Tuesday, I plan to go back to the library with some sort of proof of residence and again request a library card. However, this time I am sure there will be no skipping involved...

Happy Sunday!


So, in case the title of this blog didn't tip you off already, I seem to have a slight problem sleeping at night. I have done everything I can think of...sworn off caffeine, invested in fans, taken cold medicine and/or Bennadryl, but it is all to no avail.

Now, I know what you are thinking, “wow you must do some really productive stuff with all that free time!!” Sadly, my response to this statement is a resounding NO! I spend my new found "free" time with my good friends Google and facebook. After successfully Googling everyone I have every met (or wish to meet someday) and stalking out everyone's facebook photo albums (never gets old...especially love the ones where you go through 15 photos all taken of the the photographer. Cute, classy, natural...all I can say is wow!) I am in the market for a more creative outlet...hence the blog.

I feel that there are still some skeptics out there shouting, “Why don’t you read a book, take up painting and/or other arts, or learn an instrument?" While those are all good ideas...they have already been done or are in progress as we speak! Books...lots of them...some in Spanish, others in's official...I can read! Arts...hahahahaha... I have used my retractable sharpie multipack to create quite the I am high...and writing a there. Music…I have no doubt in my mind that the neighbors will be thrilled at my new found ability to serenade them to sleep with my guitar. I am sure that my rendition of Hot Cross Buns will be nothing if not a complete success. I am happy to report that you are all invited over for three a.m. sing-a-longs!!

I have no blog friends (real friends...still questionable) but just in case someone else is up and would like to hear my meandering thoughts I would be more than happy to share them with you.

Sleep tight, Sleepless in...